guilt Archives - Mindset Maven

August was a very weird time – an all too brief 4 day visit from one of my partners, two funerals, a wedding and the Nineworlds Geekfest conference sandwiched in between them – All very exhausting emotional things – followed by a period of “brain fuzz” from “doing all the stuff”, so not much room for the inspiration needed to write to take effect.

I’ve wanted to write my next post (“You can’t do it wrong“) for the last three weeks, but my brain simply didn’t want to give me “words” of any shape. I did manage to journal a little bit about one of the funerals (to aid creating white space in my brain) but I know there is way more in there that needs to come out. When I’ve not been at work (doing “the minimum needed to get by and keep projects moving”), I’ve spent most of my time either sleeping, fussing over my orchids/watching YouTube videos on Orchid care and finishing up re-watching S7 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Now, I could chose to beat myself up over this seeming “waste of time”, and a few years ago I very much would have done, feeling all the guilt around “doing nothing” and I would have tried to force “things to work”, which would inevitably lead to life not working at all and even more “things not happening” in life as I wallowed and flailed.

However, taking the Mindful view on things, I simply acknowledge that having had a very emotion filled and time sapping beginning to August, I needed some time to reset. And my doing that self-care and taking that time to get back in the flow is not something that is “bad” or “wrong”, it is something that just “is”. And I have no need at all to feel bad about that at all.

Take my work here for instance. I dedicated myself to producing world-changing content once a week, and my lack of words to the world since the beginning of August could be seen as a massive failure. I could sit here in a puddle of self-recrimination and self-doubt, allow that negativity to enable me to listen to my amygdala and simply give up on my writing and myself – because changing the world takes effort… and that equals resistance.

I do know that for the last week or so, where my brain has been up and firing again, that I have been very subject to resistance. I’ve been wallowing, “filling up my eyes” in a rather drastic way, doing anything to seemingly avoid writing or creativity (Although I have been spending lots of time with my Orchids!).

However, using that resistance as my compass, and knowing that my time-out allowed my brain to heal, enough is enough and it’s time to push on through! It’s time to give thanks and forgiveness in my life, open up to abundance and start shining again.

I’m hoping that I’ve given you reassurance and food for thought. Have you had a time where you felt that everything was just too much? How did you cope then? And are you now working Mindfully and with Gratitude to accept that sometimes life hands you a shit sandwich (to quote Marie Forleo!) and that you have to deal and move along. Leave me a comment below, and we can start working on connecting those dots.

Catch you shortly!

Image used “Intermission (5/7)” by jnyemb
Used Under Creative commons licence: Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

It’s almost swearing isn’t it, making that “I’m being selfish” statement, and it’s used as an insult, “You’re so selfish!”

However, being selfish is quite probably the number one factor in personal health and well-being.

I’m not talking about the type of being selfish where you detriment others, take the last biscuit or don’t stop to give someone a hand if they need it, I’m talking about the kind of selfish that is centred on self-care.

Being selfish enough to stay home when you are sick and not “just struggle on” because it is expected.
e.g. Flexible working here is so good – When the brain is active enough, but you feel wiped out and can’t face the commute, a day or two of Working from home may well be the recharge you need!
Being selfish enough to look after your own needs so that you then have the energy and capacity to take care of your loved one’s needs.
e.g. Booking a babysitter for an hour or to and then taking that time to get out of the house, relax and recharge – Read a book, go to the gym, get a manicure or a haircut.
Being selfish enough to take the time out to create art, to look after plants or to make a good nutritional choice.
e.g. find that moment of stillness within that allows you to paint, write, draw, cook, dye, knit, do origami. Have the moment to find and follow the inspiration that comes as you cook a good but simple dinner. Enjoy focusing on how your orchids are growing, taking that ten minutes a day to check them over for damage or rot, and to talk to them about how beautiful they are, how well they are growing and what beauty they add into your life.

Women in particular are really bad at this style of selfishness, I know I’ve done it more times that I care to think of, caring for my loved ones to the point of my own exhaustion. However, taking that time out to self-care, to “be selfish” can carry with it massive amounts of guilt.

We have to learn to let this guilt go, as being selfish gives us the focus and clarity to be our best, to show up in each moment with calmness, kindness and compassion. It sends a message to your limbic brain that you are ready for “good things” and promotes focus to serve the world with our own superpower (we all have one!).

After all, as the saying goes: “Put on your own oxygen mask before you help others.” If you are constantly leaving your own “oxygen mask” to one side, starving yourself and your soul of love and care, you will simply not have the resources to live life to its full potential.

After all if you don’t look after yourself, you won’t be able to love and serve others in the world. So, how can you be more selfish in your life? Think of three ways that you can be more selfish, leave me a comment below and we can start working toward connecting those dots.

Catch you next week!

Tag: guilt

Intermission…

Be Selfish – It’s a vital part of Mindfulness