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The world needs love

Love, one pipecleaner heart at a time

The concept that “Belief in something doesn’t make that true” throws itself into sharp contrast for me this week. I held the belief that America would not elect a Klan-backed, lying, misogynistic, sex-offending bigot as president.

Civilisation very much feels like it’s turning itself inside out right now. I could take the focus that the world is going to hell in a hand basket, mutter to myself about it all being wrong and simply let it wash over me, but instead I choose to see this as the world having a healing crisis, where symptoms, such as bigotry, hatred, ignorance and even war get worse before healing ultimately happens. Taking this focus and meaning to the events means that I can take action. It means that I, and all the other people in the world that espouse love, equality and kindness are the cure.

I do not doubt that the vast majority of Americans are kind, they are known world over for their hospitality and generosity, so I’ve been reading frantically about why America might choose to elect Donald Trump, seeking understanding beyond the “news bubble” that I live in (mostly populated by “WTF?” type posts, but no real reasons) and come to understand that change and growth is something that deeply strikes against the belief system of the people that voted for Trump, and that the slogan “Make America Great Again” to them means harking back to a time where their known status (religion, skin colour, jobs, homes, family structures) in the world was certain. It means retaining a Status Quo that about half of the world is moving away from, dragging the other half (in some cases very) unwillingly behind it. And also, as the movement is due to various ideas working in opposing directions, it’s no wonder the world is so confused right now!

However, if you are here, you probably shared my now disproven belief, and are quite possibly feeling defeated. Right now, you might not have the strength for yet another fight, and that’s OK. Self Care is important. Do the self care that you need to get you ready to give the world the love it needs. Retreat, eat good food, watch Netflix, go for walks in the local park, love the people and pets around you and just be for a bit. The world will be here when you are ready to pick up again.

However, if you stay in your cave too long, this can be as detrimental as working from no resources, so, if you do find yourself feeling overwhelmed, as you know, I love using EFT as a pattern interrupter. I’ve used it successfully with clients to help them get to the roots of their issues as well as to enable their progress when they are stuck.

So when Brad Yates’ newsletter dropped this video into my inbox I felt that I needed to share his words and the accompanying video with you:
“I actually shot this video a few weeks ago – it wasn’t about the election, but about this feeling that many of us experience from time to time.  But it takes on a new timeliness now, as a lot of people are feeling this these days… totally understandable.  A large group of folks were going to feel this whichever way the election went.  Honor your feelings, and when you are ready to stand up, brush yourself off and get going again, I hope you will find this helpful.  We need you… :)”

NB: As I said before, if you have never viewed Brad’s Channel before, before you start tapping away, you must watch these two videos first – as Brad is very clear that you know what you are doing, and that you take full responsibility for your own well being.

There are of course other pattern interrupters and ways to enable progress, but this one is one of my favourite as it is so simple, and once you know how, you can do it autonomously either “free-form” or via one of the many many scripts on Youtube (in fact, some of the best results are when the words simply “fall out of your brain” rather than with scripts) and it gets fast results.

So, tell me how you are going to spread a little (or a lot of!) love to the world. Start small, create ripples! Leave me a comment below and then we can start working to connect your dots!

Catch you next time!

Image used LOVE by Lorie Shaull
Used Under Creative commons licence: Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

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Thoughts on my gender socialisation – Being thankful

Being Thankful - Article Wordcloud

It occurred to me yesterday morning on the Tube that I’ve a great deal to thank my Mum about.

I very rarely, if ever, “sit like a girl” when I occupy a seat, 99% of the time I sit with my legs apart “like a boy”, even when I’m wearing a (long) skirt.

As far as I can remember, I’ve always done this, and this got me thinking about other things that I “do like a boy”, and by extension, the behaviours that my Mum just didn’t make too much of a fuss about that would be against “typically girly behaviours” as I was growing up; She pretty much just let me get on with learning how to be me.

I had dolls, (which I tended to use more as balls or weights rather than petting over them) and also had “princess” dresses. However, I also had Mechano and Lego when I was very young, I climbed trees and ran about outside as I got older, in my teens I had a Chemistry set, a ZX81 then a ZX Spectrum and asked for and received a Technical Lego set on my 15th birthday. I know I actively tried to be “more girly” at one point and made myself a “doll house” (the top of my dresser), but it was mostly me constructing walls and furniture for the dolls out of paper, plastic and card, rather than play-acting the “happily ever after lives” of the dolls.

I messed around with make-up, and mum bought me make up and books on how to apply it to my face but it wasn’t something that she said I “must” put on. (I rarely wear make up even now…)

Due to being both a very tall and quite a bit overweight apple-shaped girl, I never got into fashion either, and when my feet breezed past my Mum’s size 6 and ended up at a size 9 (and my nascent love of “pretty shoes” was thwarted) Mum helped me find clothes and shoes to help me feel and look my best, even through my totally “anti-fashion” phases. (Because, in a world of clothes designed for short pear-shaped women, when “nothing ever fits right, why should I bother?”)

Although she showed concern, she never insisted that I diet or restricted my food and, whilst suggesting that junk food was not the best thing for me, never tried to make me be something I wasn’t. She helped me drop fat when I chose to do so when I hit 17, but it was me that asked her for the help following a diet plan, not her that pushed me into doing it.

I realise now, that by allowing me to play with a range of things “across the gender divide”, by not guiding me into “all the pink toys and princess dresses”, and not pushing me towards fashion or make up or telling me that being fat was wrong, that what she gave me growing up was a very rounded socialisation – I was never forced to be “a girl”, I was encouraged to be my best and play to my natural strengths – which are actually opposite some of her’s (as she’s an Artist/Creative and a keen Gardener) as I’m rather focused around Logical/Latteral thinking (hence my superpower!), Science and IT.

I’ve found my own femininity and sexuality, my artist in dyeing and knitting and my green fingers via Bonsai and Orchids as I’ve grown older, but I really do have to say “Thank you Mum. You did a far better job of me than you give yourself credit for. Well done.”

Who do you need to be thankful for in your life? Also, do you need to forgive anyone for their past all-too-gendered socialisation behaviours towards you? Leave me a comment below and we can start working toward connecting those dots.

Catch you next week!